directed by Lee Krempel (MOVIES Pt. 3)
Conclusion here. I promise. There was just so much I wanted to get out.
I'm getting that edge back. That edge and passion and inspiration to make movies. It gets hard. The prospect of really attempting to do something that you may or may not succeed at. It's always been one of my fears. Being mediocre. Being average. Attempting to do something great, failing, and then getting a job somewhere I hate and forcing a smile forever. I don't want to do that. So sometimes it's easier to not even attempt something great. It's like, you know, at least this way I can say, "I could've made it, but I didn't try"; instead of "I tried, but I didn't have what it takes." It seems easier to be the first guy. The guy I have been over the last couple of years, with the exception of a few moments of creative burst here and there. It is a profoundly scary thing when you start to actually consider going down that road. Hollywood. Filmmaking. It feels like saying, "I want to be Superman when I grow up." And it's weird cuz I'm not in that stage anymore when people can really patronize me and my dream. Ya know? I mean, I'll be 24 soon. I'm an adult. I'm not a kid. When I say I want to make movies, I feel like I can see the look in peoples eyes that says, uh, shouldn't you be over that? Not that people think that, but that's what I think they think.
Well, this book and the directors in it have inspired me again. Either I love film and will give everything to be a part of it, or I will continue to love film and just watch a lot of movies for the rest of my life when I get home from my 9 to 5.
Either I will struggle, eat rahman (how do you spell that) soup for a while, trust God desperately, and forsake all for this dream...or I will just keep telling my work buddies how I thought of a cool idea for a movie over lunch hour and then forget it by 5.
I feel now like I can be a part of something great. I don't think film hit it's peak as an art in the 70's. There is more to come. Today is a great time to be alive in cinema. Difficult, tumultuous, yes. But exciting and groundbreaking also. I feel renewed for filmmaking. My love for film and the craft has NEVER EVER EVER faltered, but my motivation and drive to make them has. But it feels like the embers are glowing again. I dunno. I have a short film in the works. Script done and stuff. The details of shoot need to be planned. I am wanting to get to work on it soon. So I will start kicking my butt to get going on it.
Ya know, I use to say this to myself all the time... If the great directors of our time all had to struggle and fight and be poor for a while and face rejection and disappointment and fight depression and such in order to break through the impossible walls into their dreams...then why shouldn't I? Do I expect that because I believe in God and trust Him that he will magically lift me up above all of that and place me on a podium at the 82nd Academy Awards? Absolutely not. He won't.
God help me. I am addicted to film. I am a junkie. I can't live without you God. Without your hope and love and guidance. But I don't know if I can adequately live without this drug that YOU put in my system.
posted by Lee M. Krempel @ 4:25 PM
4 Comments:
first let me say i applaud the transparency with which you wrote. second if it lights your fire...wait i can't afford my own lunch.
yet i must say that i do believe that you can work to accoomplish your dreams, and i never say that patronizingly (is that a word?).
you are enourmously talented, you just have to think about the steps you have to take. and when you really think about it, right now you are probably exactly where you are supposed to be if you are thinking in light of any time line, because you devoted three years of your life to MC, and you are just fininshing recently, so don't get discouraged about the time factor, because unless the lord told you to move out to somewhere, you are where you are suppposed to be for now, (mot just spiritually speaking, but practically you gotta save money, develop a semiplan, think things through)......Dont put a time on it, you have no major life commitments now, so you can just learn and grow and take steps whenever you want. that is no ticket to be lazy, but it is no pressure, well except for taxes.
you will be fine, din't lose that energy in the waiting......just don't think of it as waiting either...these are all steps
)ive got an annoying person over my shoulder so i a m typing really fast, please ignore the spelling errors)
krempel, lee:
oh how I miss thee. i have read your blog once before and all the theology reminded me of you, but i have to see all the film talk made me feel like i was there talking to you in persion (which by the way, never happens) and i was thinking about how we had an oscars party at my apartment and i thought it would be amAZIng if you were here and we could talk about all the movies this year because there were so many amazing ones. i don't know. i just miss you in so many ways it's weird. we need to talk. for some reason dave matthews always makes me think of you and makes me wonder where the hell am i?
You WILL do what your passion is in your life because it is your passion. You have always known what you should be doing in your life. Even as an 8 year old child, maybe even younger then that. Keep your eye on the goal, work hard, work harder and then most importantly keep your heart on the Lord and seek HIS direction at every turn and it will come to fruition. It must. There is no other option for you. We've had this talk before about how you get when you are not being creative. Get out there. Pursue a means to the end. You, the love of my life, are the most talented and creative person I have ever met. Not to mention one of the most interesting. Geeesh between you, your sister and your dad, I have to be the most blessed woman in this whole entire world. Stay true Bud, stay true.
I got to thinking today about something you said to a very close friend of our family one time. You were all of 8 years old at the time, if that. Mr. Rick S. loved to talk to you about movies or really anything at all, you've always been an interesting person. anyway, he was talking toyou about some movie, I jsut don't remember which one and he said to you "it really is a violent movie" and we knew you were headed for movie making when your response was "well... is it implied violence or is it visual violence?" He looked at me and said "ok what 8 year old knows the difference between implied and visual violence in movies?" I just shrugged my shoulders and said "i dunno" . He's never forgotten that and either have I. Geeeee I wonder what you should be doing with your life?
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