Balance

I'm going to admit something. I probably have about 75% of things WRONG! As I think about my faith and how it relates in today's postmodern culture. How I relate...am I wrong? Could I be wrong? I think so. Am I going to do anything about it? Maybe, I don't know. About some of it, probably.
I just got done having a conversation over lunch with some pastors on staff at the church I go to. Someone said something about the Academy Awards this year being the "Brokeback Mountain" party. He's probably right. But me, being who I am, mentioned that I had seen the film and thought it was very good. You have to understand me, okay. Controversy and getting things stirred up is like my crack. It's like something I can't help doing. God help me. Anyway...the point is, this opened up a whole discussion about "should a christian see that movie" etc... Not in a "you dirty sinner you're going to hell" sense. But a genuine, "what is the responsibility of a believer in a situation like that" kind of deal. It's a legitimate question.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not the most pious person when it comes to the arts. Movies, music, books, etc... I do have some lines though, which I don't want to get into right now. The point is, basically, I watch a lot of movies, and a lot of movies that I watch are on the NO-NO list for good christians. But ya know? I don't care. And before you think I'm bragging, understand that I am not. I am trying to understand the nature of my responsibility. As a leader. As a believer. As a role model. What is my responsibility? I'm trying to come to grips with that.
At what point is a movie's subject matter simply TOO far out there morally for a Christian (even the most liberal of them) to entertain? Where is the line between being a pious puritannical prude (three P's, sweet.), and being truly sincere and discerning?
I don't know the answer to that question. I don't know. One thing I do know is that as a leader, I have a responsibility to live out my faith in front of others. To be discerning about who I say what around and do what around, so as not to cause others to stumble in their faith. But at some point (at least for me) I have to say "ya know what, ultimately YOU are responsible for your actions." God knows my heart, just as he knows yours. I would not go around saying to everyone "I saw Brokeback Mountain and it was a good movie! Go see it!! Now!" But ya know what? If someone "found out" that I saw it (as a leader), and they went and saw it, and then became a homosexual and left the church and lost Jesus and became a democrat (that last part was a joke)...then...ya know? That person is an idiot. Well not so much an idiot, I don't mean that, but ultimately that person is responsible for themselves. Ya know?
I understand that raising children up in this postmodern anything goes society is difficult. It is more difficult to raise a child today then it was 25 or even 10 years ago. Especially if you want that child to have morals. But that's the way it is. Parenting simply has to develop along with society. There's nothing you can do about movies coming out that are offensive to you. There's nothing you can do about 3 year old wearing tube tops with thong diapers hanging out of extra extra extra low rise oshkosh shorts. Nothing you can do about the music of Eminem or System. Nothing except try your best to teach your children to be smart, thoughtful, and discerning. And maybe along the way learn the same things about yourself.
So personally, I don't know what I'm doing. I know people see my heart. I know that people know I love Jesus, and people. I don't think those two things are ever in question. And although there are other important things that come into play in leadership, I am not sure where I am on all those things yet. I just don't know. I am a contradiction. But ultimately what's going to impact someone's life through me is not whether I saw Brokeback Mountain or not, but whether I can be there with them and help them if they are struggling with their own sexuality. It's not gonna be if I listen to secular music or not, it's gonna be if they can count on me to pick up the phone when they feel depressed or suicidal. It's not gonna be whether I like to have a beer everyonce in a while or not, it'll be whether they see me loving people and being with them and showing them Jesus.
In the end, when I'm dead and people stand around and talk about me...I'd rather they recognized me for what matters. I'd rather hear things like "Man, one thing's for sure he sure did love people," rather than, "Man did that guy fight hard against the "gay agenda!""

I'd rather hear "Lee was crazy man! We all always had such a good time together! Remember when...", as oppose to "Man, remember how pious that guy was! He was always so afraid of sinning he never had any fun!"

The ideal comment for me would go something like this: "Man, ya know? Lee wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. (Everyone laughs fondly in recognition of all the many ways they knew this to be true) And he'd be the first to tell you that he wasn't trying to be perfect. (Everyone nods in agreement, "yes") But I'll be damned if I ever knew a man who more simply tried to just Be Jesus to everyone. No matter who. No matter where. No matter how. And beyond that, to Lee, the rest was all negotiable details. (Then everyone sits quiet for a moment, raises their bottles of Corona Extra in memory, and begins to laugh about all the crazy stories.)

And there's that. So I don't know what I'm doing. Except for the basics I mean. I just don't know what it looks like. Part of me knows what the safe thing is to do as far as things like Brokeback Moutain, drinking, cursing (or creative language construction as I like to say) every once in a while, etc... what the good christian leardership thing to do would be. To play it safe. Well, I dont know if I'm ready to be that yet, or if I ever will. I don't know. Maybe I'm not a good leader...in that sense. But I think I'm a pretty good christian, whatever that means. Maybe I'm not. I don't know. I dont know...
But until then, I'll go out have 2 beers, then go to the movies to see Brokeback Mountain again, and afterwards say "Damn that was a good movie!"
Happy Valentine's Day!